Emotionally and Mentally Drained

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I’m not writing this post to complain, to shame anyone. I’m writing this post for people to be aware not only of a mental illness or disorder, but a little bit now of Dementia and I’m NOT an expert by no means. I am emotionally and mentally drained by people period and it has been taking a toll on me and my body phsyically.

It doesn’t matter the day of the week. It doesn’t matter what month it is. I have been a mess, a huge mess. With taking care of my parents every other day when my father was in the rehabilitation center getting stronger in order to go back home, I had to cut that down a lot of seeing them both. They will completely drain a person. I almost felt like I’ve been taking care of children at some point. Both of my parents have Alzheimer’s / Dementia, it is far from being an easy job. They aren’t as bad as some people think. The arguing, the game playing, the unsanitary house, the laziness, the constant excuses of not wanting to do anything, or go anywhere. The way my siblings and I grew up wasn’t the typical household. I am the runt of the litter and I mostly gotten treated the worst when you have a mentally ill mother. When it came to chores we did it, we went above and beyond with them and taking care of the pets also. I guess It wasn’t in the stars for me to grow up in a loving home, that’s exactly the opposite what they shown on the outside in public.

On a typical day of and before, I get several phone calls asking me if I can come over and pick up milk and a few more odds and ends for me and your Dad. I drive many miles to spend a day with them. I don’t mind the drive it is nice to see the scenery. When I arrive to my destination, at the fruit market I buy the items needed and usually drive to another place if they call before I get to their house. I unload my truck and walk in to find yet another day of nothing cleaned except for the dishes. Every pile of stuff imaginable throughout the house. I walk through the foyer an set items on a messy counter, take off my coat, kiss my Dad on the cheek or forehead, and proceed to sit down. I than hear the horrible sound of the bickering or sometimes the crying at the table or from another room in the house. No more than five minutes after walking in, I am usually trying to unwind from the people in the stores when all of the sudden I am bombarded in the face and lap with two great big German Shepherds. I pet them and stopping in mid petting I go to wipe my face and try not to sneeze from floating dog dander. I look at the carpet an the kitchen floor to find it everywhere.

Okay imagine one eighty year old woman whom had all her major joints replaced and one eighty year old man sitting in a wheelchair with his head down on a table, blind, and hard of hearing so badly that you have to practically yell or scream in order for him to hear you, when he doesn’t hear what you have said he’ll try and make sense of his own jumbled sentence we laugh and I loudly explain that wasn’t it and then again I tell him what it was cause he wanted to know. Ugh!! I’m sad at the condition of the house and my Father whom probably hasn’t had a warm shower in a week cause my mother either is too busy watching TV or complaining how she is continuously bouncing up and down from a recliner for him to be happy for a minute until he asks for something else within seconds.  Mother who is able to clean, wash clothes, help Father up the stairs to the shower, able to drive, manage the bills and the accounts, dress and shower herself, can hear and see refuses to take care of my dad who has did everything he could to make mother happy through the years of mother not working. She’s capable, just full of excuses and lazy. I love them both but when you’re the only child of theirs and mind you they have 5 children all together it gets exhausting really quick. In the meantime, I am juggling my own life with my own family, home, and still finding a job outside of them home with no skills and no degree but a crafty skill of making handmade items to sell. Business it slow in that area. I am still after 5 years crocheting a six foot by six foot blanket in one color (which is boring for me) and still have about 6 more skeins /rolls to go. SIGH!! 

As sitting there hearing the bickering back and forth or the silence from both of them and or the TV blaring from across the room. I am getting frustrated just sitting there. I ask mother: “Let’s tackle these papers, put away these things scattered all over the house.” I wait for an answer and get a rotten look and the answer changed abruptively to a question to father of: “Honey, Would you like me to make you a Sandwich?” . I think to myself, She just totally ignored my statement and moved onto something else. I mean she asked father that same question 3 times and was getting angry, like he was playing a game with her when I thought he didn’t hear her, I asked and that when I immediately seen red smoke come out of his ears, EEK! I exclaimed. “I better shut my mouth before I’m backhanded into the wall, just like when I was a young adult with my daughter in arms telling my oldest sister badly of what I thought of her.” Finally thinking the almighty saved me like many times before my phone rings and low and behold it’s my husband calling, I answer the phone: “Come and pick me up from work, please!” I excitedly put on my coat grab my things and kissed them both while mother expressed: “Why so soon?”, “You didn’t stay long.” I know I said that’s why I like coming on the weekends to see you. I drive to pick husband up and we go get a bite to eat and go home. He asked me about my day and I say: “I need a Vacation.”

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Thank you for stopping by, Have a great day!

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Search for the Grain of Truth in Other Opinions

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Chapter 18 ~ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff 

If you enjoy learning as well as making other people happy, you’ll love this idea.

Almost everyone feels that their own opinions are good ones, otherwise they wouldn’t be sharing them with you.  One of the destructive things that many of us do, however, is compare someone else’s opinion to our own.  And, when it doesn’t fall in line with our belief, we either dismiss it or find fault in it.  We feel smug, and the other person feels diminished, and we learn nothing. 

Almost every opinion has some merit, especially if we are looking for merit, rather than looking for errors.  The next time someone offers you an opinion, rather than judge or criticize it, see if you can find a grain of truth in what the other person is saying. 

If you think about it, when you judge someone else or their opinion,  it really doesn’t say anything about the other person, but it says quite a bit about your need to be judgmental.

I still catch myself criticizing other points of view,  but far less than I used to.  All that changed was my intension to find the grain of truth in other positions. If you practice this simple strategy, some wonderful things will begin to happen: You’ll begin to understand those you interact with, others will be drawn to your accepting and loving energy, your learning curve will be enhanced, and,  perhaps most important, you’ll feel better about yourself.

Resist the Urge to Criticize

Chapter 17 ~ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. 

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If you attend a gathering and listen to all criticism that is typically levied against others, and then go home and consider how much good all the criticism actually does to make our world a better place, you’ll probably come up with the same answer that I do Zero! It does no good. But’s that not all. Being critical not only solves nothing; it contributes to the anger and distrust in our world. After all, none of us likes to be criticized. Our reaction to criticism is usually to become defensive  and /or withdrawn. A person who feels attacked is likely to do one of two things: he will either retreat in fear or shame, or he will attack or lash out in anger.  How many times have you criticized someone and had them respond by saying, “Thank you so much for pointing out my flaws. I really appreciate it”?

Criticism, like swearing, is actually nothing more than a bad habit. It’s something we get used to doing; we’re familiar with how it feels. It keeps us busy and gives us something to talk about.

If, however, you take a moment to observe how you actually feel immediately after you criticize someone you’ll notice that you will feel a little deflated and ashamed, almost like you’re the one who has been attacked. The reason this is true is that when we criticize, it’s a statement to the world and to ourselves, “I have a need to be critical.”  This isn’t something that we are usually proud to admit.

The solution is to catch yourself in the act of being critical. Notice how often you do it and how bad it makes you feel. What I like to do is turn it into a game. I still catch myself being critical, but as my need to criticize arises, I try to remember to say to myself, “There I go again.” Hopefully, more often than not, I can turn my criticism into tolerance and respect.

My Dog and Me

1534306929205Well I’ve grown accustomed to my furry friend and we are inseparable to no end. My old cat walks next to my bed and meows to wake me up to let out the pup, feed and water them both. He is getting smarter, well adjusted to his new surroundings. He had plenty of nick names: Sneaky Pete, Chewy, Curious George.  You can hear him howl at night, whine in the morning, and bark at things he doesn’t understand. The funny part is watching him turn his head like he understands every word I say. He doesn’t like puddles of rain or to hear the wind blow. When taught his different commands he’s quick to learn. He’s loyal to me, and when people are around his hairs stands way tall, growling that when anyone comes nears me he starts barking and stay next to me and sits in front of me.  He’s my protector for sure. I love when he lays on the floor on my feet. I’ve grown accustomed to my furry friend, him and I have a friendship till the end. 

See the Innocence

Those who improve with age embrace the power of personal growth and personal achievement and begin to replace youth with wisdom, innocence with understanding, and lack of purpose with self-actualization.

Bo Bennett

Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/innocence

 

For many people, one of the most frustrating aspects of life is not being able to understand other people’s behavior. We see them as “guilty” instead of “innocent.” It’s tempting to focus on people’s seemingly irrational behavior—their comments, actions, mean-spirited acts, selfish behavior—and get extremely frustrated. If we focus on behavior too much, it can seem like other people are making us miserable. But as I once heard Wayne Dyer sarcastically suggest in a lecture, “Round up all the people who are making you miserable and bring them to me. I will treat them { as a counselor}, and you’ll get better.” Obviously, this is absurd.  It’s true that other people do weird things (who doesn’t?), but we are the ones getting upset, so we are the ones who need to change.  I’m not talking about accepting, ignoring, or advocating violence or any other deviant behavior. I’m merely talking about learning to be less bothered by actions of people.

Seeing the innocence is a powerful tool for transformation that means that when someone is acting in a way that we don’t like, the best strategy for dealing with that person is to distance ourselves from the behavior; to “look beyond it,” so that we can see the innocence in where the behavior is coming from. Very often, this slight shift in our thinking immediately puts us into a state of compassion. 

Occasionally, I work with people who are pressuring me to hurry up.  Often, their technique for getting me to hurry along is obnoxious, even insulting.  If I focus on the words they use, the tone of their voices, and the urgency of their messages, I can get annoyed, even angry at my responses. I see them as “guilty.”  However, if I remember the urgency I feel when I’m in a hurry to do something, it allows me to see the innocence in their behavior.  Underneath even the most annoying behavior is a frustrated person crying out for compassion.

The next time (and hopefully from now on), when someone acts in a strange way, look for the innocence in his behavior. If your compassionate, it won’t be hard to see.  When you see the innocence, the same things that always frustrated you no longer do.  And, when you’re not frustrated by the actions of others, it’s a lot easier to stay focused on the beauty of life.

Grateful

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This is so true on so many different levels. Thanksgiving is near in the United States. We all should be grateful for everything we have. The smallest things like a Warn comfy bed, a fluffy pillow, having something to eat for the day, something to drink, growing your own food, growing flowers to put a smile on your face or to brighten someone else’s day. These are just a few things to be grateful for, they’re are very many things. Here’s a project you can do when you are bored, write down on paper one thing a day that you are grateful for at the end of the month share that with someone you love or your children, your parents, your grandparents, etc. Get them involved to do the same project. After you’re done talk about it: How did that make you feel? If you don’t have something to be grateful for, than do something for someone and be grateful you did. Maybe make that a habit doing something small like: Help the elderly, volunteer at a shelter, bring can goods to a food bank, buy someone an outfit or two cause they don’t have any clothes etc. It will make you feel so much better as a person, it would make them feel happy, and you’ll have something to be grateful for.

Today I’m grateful for my sister coming out of open heart surgery alright after waiting nine long hours. Happy that she made it through, but still praying for her she’s not out of the woods yet. That’s an old saying it’s not finalized.

Great Find, Great Read and Great Share!

 

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Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff is the greatest read I have come across. I went to Barnes and Noble as I would normally do, and find a book to scroll through/ In a big comfy chair I would sit for hours and hours reading that book or searching to find the gem, or many gems in the treasure box, deeply hidden in a world full of anything and everything your mind and eyes choose to read at this bookstore. I’ve been reading this book and repeatedly go back and reread a chapter or two to see if it relates to a day or a week of my daily life.  And almost always it does.  I am learning and it’s inspiring, so inspiring that I love sharing the small chapters with you. I feel happy after typing it and it has made my days happier when I read them. 

I would hope the Author’s wife and son of Dr. Richard Carlson would be appreciative and have no hard feelings this book and chapters I share with you. I cannot, and will not take the credit of these chapters or of this book. I can however suggest that you go and find it online or travel to your local or well known bookstore and read this amazing good read.