Stop Blaming Others

Chapter 22 ~ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

When something doesn’t meet our expectations, many of us operate with assumption, “When in doubt, it must be someone else’s fault.” You can see this assuption in action almost everywhere you look—something is missing, so someone else must have moved it; the car isn’t working right, your expences exceed your income, so your spouse must be spending too much money; the house is a mess, so you must be the only person doing your part; a project is late, so your colleagues at work must have not done their share—and on and on it goes. 

This type of blaming thinking has become extremely common in our culture. On a personal level, it has let us to believe that we are never completely reasponsible for our own actions, problems, or happiness. On a societal level, it has led to frivolous lawsuits, and ridiculous excuses that get criminals off the hook. When we are in the habit of blaming others,  we will blame others for our anger, frustrations, depession, stress, and unhappiness. 

In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others,  Surely there are times when other people and / or circumstances contribute to our problems, but it is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own happiness. Circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal him or her.

As an experiment, notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life.  This doesn’t mean you don’t hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you. When the house is a mess, rather than assuming you’re the only person doing your part, clean it up! When you’re over budget, figure out where you can spend less money. Most important, when you’re unhappy, remind yourself that only you can make yourself happy. 

Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It’s a “drag-me-down” mindset that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is contingent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can’t control. When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker.  You will know that when you are upset,  you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is a great deal more fun and much easier to manage when you stop blaming others.  Give it a try and see what happens.

Advertisements

Emotionally and Mentally Drained

emotionally-drained-reasons-and-cures

I’m not writing this post to complain, to shame anyone. I’m writing this post for people to be aware not only of a mental illness or disorder, but a little bit now of Dementia and I’m NOT an expert by no means. I am emotionally and mentally drained by people period and it has been taking a toll on me and my body phsyically.

It doesn’t matter the day of the week. It doesn’t matter what month it is. I have been a mess, a huge mess. With taking care of my parents every other day when my father was in the rehabilitation center getting stronger in order to go back home, I had to cut that down a lot of seeing them both. They will completely drain a person. I almost felt like I’ve been taking care of children at some point. Both of my parents have Alzheimer’s / Dementia, it is far from being an easy job. They aren’t as bad as some people think. The arguing, the game playing, the unsanitary house, the laziness, the constant excuses of not wanting to do anything, or go anywhere. The way my siblings and I grew up wasn’t the typical household. I am the runt of the litter and I mostly gotten treated the worst when you have a mentally ill mother. When it came to chores we did it, we went above and beyond with them and taking care of the pets also. I guess It wasn’t in the stars for me to grow up in a loving home, that’s exactly the opposite what they shown on the outside in public.

On a typical day of and before, I get several phone calls asking me if I can come over and pick up milk and a few more odds and ends for me and your Dad. I drive many miles to spend a day with them. I don’t mind the drive it is nice to see the scenery. When I arrive to my destination, at the fruit market I buy the items needed and usually drive to another place if they call before I get to their house. I unload my truck and walk in to find yet another day of nothing cleaned except for the dishes. Every pile of stuff imaginable throughout the house. I walk through the foyer an set items on a messy counter, take off my coat, kiss my Dad on the cheek or forehead, and proceed to sit down. I than hear the horrible sound of the bickering or sometimes the crying at the table or from another room in the house. No more than five minutes after walking in, I am usually trying to unwind from the people in the stores when all of the sudden I am bombarded in the face and lap with two great big German Shepherds. I pet them and stopping in mid petting I go to wipe my face and try not to sneeze from floating dog dander. I look at the carpet an the kitchen floor to find it everywhere.

Okay imagine one eighty year old woman whom had all her major joints replaced and one eighty year old man sitting in a wheelchair with his head down on a table, blind, and hard of hearing so badly that you have to practically yell or scream in order for him to hear you, when he doesn’t hear what you have said he’ll try and make sense of his own jumbled sentence we laugh and I loudly explain that wasn’t it and then again I tell him what it was cause he wanted to know. Ugh!! I’m sad at the condition of the house and my Father whom probably hasn’t had a warm shower in a week cause my mother either is too busy watching TV or complaining how she is continuously bouncing up and down from a recliner for him to be happy for a minute until he asks for something else within seconds.  Mother who is able to clean, wash clothes, help Father up the stairs to the shower, able to drive, manage the bills and the accounts, dress and shower herself, can hear and see refuses to take care of my dad who has did everything he could to make mother happy through the years of mother not working. She’s capable, just full of excuses and lazy. I love them both but when you’re the only child of theirs and mind you they have 5 children all together it gets exhausting really quick. In the meantime, I am juggling my own life with my own family, home, and still finding a job outside of them home with no skills and no degree but a crafty skill of making handmade items to sell. Business it slow in that area. I am still after 5 years crocheting a six foot by six foot blanket in one color (which is boring for me) and still have about 6 more skeins /rolls to go. SIGH!! 

As sitting there hearing the bickering back and forth or the silence from both of them and or the TV blaring from across the room. I am getting frustrated just sitting there. I ask mother: “Let’s tackle these papers, put away these things scattered all over the house.” I wait for an answer and get a rotten look and the answer changed abruptively to a question to father of: “Honey, Would you like me to make you a Sandwich?” . I think to myself, She just totally ignored my statement and moved onto something else. I mean she asked father that same question 3 times and was getting angry, like he was playing a game with her when I thought he didn’t hear her, I asked and that when I immediately seen red smoke come out of his ears, EEK! I exclaimed. “I better shut my mouth before I’m backhanded into the wall, just like when I was a young adult with my daughter in arms telling my oldest sister badly of what I thought of her.” Finally thinking the almighty saved me like many times before my phone rings and low and behold it’s my husband calling, I answer the phone: “Come and pick me up from work, please!” I excitedly put on my coat grab my things and kissed them both while mother expressed: “Why so soon?”, “You didn’t stay long.” I know I said that’s why I like coming on the weekends to see you. I drive to pick husband up and we go get a bite to eat and go home. He asked me about my day and I say: “I need a Vacation.”

stress

Thank you for stopping by, Have a great day!

Luke Combs – Must’ve Never Met You

This can mean for a guy too!!

My Dog and Me

1534306929205Well I’ve grown accustomed to my furry friend and we are inseparable to no end. My old cat walks next to my bed and meows to wake me up to let out the pup, feed and water them both. He is getting smarter, well adjusted to his new surroundings. He had plenty of nick names: Sneaky Pete, Chewy, Curious George.  You can hear him howl at night, whine in the morning, and bark at things he doesn’t understand. The funny part is watching him turn his head like he understands every word I say. He doesn’t like puddles of rain or to hear the wind blow. When taught his different commands he’s quick to learn. He’s loyal to me, and when people are around his hairs stands way tall, growling that when anyone comes nears me he starts barking and stay next to me and sits in front of me.  He’s my protector for sure. I love when he lays on the floor on my feet. I’ve grown accustomed to my furry friend, him and I have a friendship till the end. 

Grateful

39962627_2077088385675096_8034941400501977088_n

This is so true on so many different levels. Thanksgiving is near in the United States. We all should be grateful for everything we have. The smallest things like a Warn comfy bed, a fluffy pillow, having something to eat for the day, something to drink, growing your own food, growing flowers to put a smile on your face or to brighten someone else’s day. These are just a few things to be grateful for, they’re are very many things. Here’s a project you can do when you are bored, write down on paper one thing a day that you are grateful for at the end of the month share that with someone you love or your children, your parents, your grandparents, etc. Get them involved to do the same project. After you’re done talk about it: How did that make you feel? If you don’t have something to be grateful for, than do something for someone and be grateful you did. Maybe make that a habit doing something small like: Help the elderly, volunteer at a shelter, bring can goods to a food bank, buy someone an outfit or two cause they don’t have any clothes etc. It will make you feel so much better as a person, it would make them feel happy, and you’ll have something to be grateful for.

Today I’m grateful for my sister coming out of open heart surgery alright after waiting nine long hours. Happy that she made it through, but still praying for her she’s not out of the woods yet. That’s an old saying it’s not finalized.

Repeat To Yourself, “Life Isn’t An Emergency”

Chapter 11 ~ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

 

In some ways, this strategy epitomizes the essential message of this book. Although most people believe otherwise, the truth is, life isn’t an emergency. I’ve had hundreds of clients over the years who have all but neglected their families as well as their own dreams because of their propensity to believe that life is an emergency.  They justify their neurotic behavior by believing that if they don’t work eighty hours a week, they won’t get everything done.  Sometimes I remind them that when they die, their “in basket” won’t be empty! 

Dream_

A client who is a homemaker and a mother of three children recently said to me, “I just can’t get the house cleaned up the way I like it before everyone leaves in the morning,”  She was so upset over her inability to be perfect that her doctor had prescribed her anti-anxiety medicine.  She was acting ( and feeling ) like there was a gun pointed at her head and the sniper was demanding that every dish be put away and every towel  folded— or else! Again the silent assumption was, this is an emergency! The truth was, no one other than she had created the pressure she was experiencing.

93f598098a46553f3216520aafa1dd0b

I’ve never met anyone ( myself included ) who hasn’t turned little things into great big emergencies.  We take our own goals so seriously that we forget to have fun along the way, and we forget to cut ourselves some slack. We take simple preferences and turn them into conditions for our own happiness. Or, we beat ourselves up if we can’t meet our self-created deadlines.  The first step in becoming a more peaceful person is to have the humility to admit that, in most cases, you’re creating your own emergencies.  Life will usually go on if things don’t go according to plan.  It’s helpful to keep reminding yourself and repeating the sentence, “Life isn’t an emergency.”  

 

It Is Two Cold in the Mitten

The state of Michigan is broken up into two peninsulas – the Lower Peninsula and the Upper Peninsula. They are connected together by the Mackinac Bridge. Yooper names for the Mackinac Bridge – Da Crossing, Da Bridge, Big Mac, Troll Turnpike.


pizap.com14430202998171-Welcome-fall

When I say Fall I didn’t mean old man Winter to spring upon us here in the north. The Wind and the temperatures dropped really low. I haven’t seen them this low since maybe five years ago. I have arthritis so my bones are achy, I also have Fibromyalgia so my muscles and other certain spots are in pain as well.  Up North near Canada we have Michigan Two Peninsula’s we have the Upper and Lower parts of Michigan. In the upper part the people who live there are the sweetest, nicest people they call their selves the Da Yooper’s. We are surrounded by five fresh water lakes.  I will name them for you: Lake Michigan, Lake Huron, Lake Erie, Lake Superior, and Lake Ontario. We have all four Season’s. Fall came for a few days it seemed and left in a rush. 

yoopers-sign_2795

It feels like it’s the beginning of Winter in Fall.  I was explaining to Mr. Perfect that winter is going to come this earlier than expected this year. I have a friend I went to High school with and it’s already been snowing for two weeks in Colorado, that’s a very beautiful state in the U.S..  I have a friend in Canada and she was hit hard with snow, so that tells me that it’s going to sneak up on Da Yooper’s first, and than in Kalkaska. The pretty colors of the trees up north and around in my area are falling down fast. A neighbor friend from years ago told me when you see the leaves turn over it means the tree is thirsty.  We are also called Pure Michigan and there is so many things to do here. The Snow we get in some area’s north is enormous, and in the south is minimal usually. In the Upper Peninsula. Up there is where major snow falls.  

 

Roads are blocked with hills of snow, ice covered homes, roads, bridges, frozen solid lakes are getting ready for the community to go ice fishing, ice skating, and snowmobiles too. Don’t forget the beautiful waterfalls, sand dunes, The Soo Locks is the most amazing site to see, the water rises up while some ships stay and one freighter passes through the channel at a time than the water levels out for the freighter can pass through the channel and be on its way to where it needs to go.

 

On these freighters they carry shipments back and forth to many places, clothing stores, appliance stores, Grocery stores, liquor stores, and some our shipped by Semi trucks too. The end part of a Semi truck is called a trailer, who ever drives the truck can drop trailer off in a yard full of other truck trailers, and the trailers are placed with a huge crane on a Locomotive, and freighters. Semi’s travel every where in the USA and CANADA. I used to travel around when I was younger in a box truck and a Semi. It’s a wonderful opportunity to be able to see the sites and have the comforts of home inside the trucks too. 

Mackinac Bridge photographed east side of bridge from Mackinaw City, June 2009.
Mackinac Bridge photographed east side of bridge from Mackinaw City, June 2009.