Emotionally and Mentally Drained

emotionally-drained-reasons-and-cures

I’m not writing this post to complain, to shame anyone. I’m writing this post for people to be aware not only of a mental illness or disorder, but a little bit now of Dementia and I’m NOT an expert by no means. I am emotionally and mentally drained by people period and it has been taking a toll on me and my body phsyically.

It doesn’t matter the day of the week. It doesn’t matter what month it is. I have been a mess, a huge mess. With taking care of my parents every other day when my father was in the rehabilitation center getting stronger in order to go back home, I had to cut that down a lot of seeing them both. They will completely drain a person. I almost felt like I’ve been taking care of children at some point. Both of my parents have Alzheimer’s / Dementia, it is far from being an easy job. They aren’t as bad as some people think. The arguing, the game playing, the unsanitary house, the laziness, the constant excuses of not wanting to do anything, or go anywhere. The way my siblings and I grew up wasn’t the typical household. I am the runt of the litter and I mostly gotten treated the worst when you have a mentally ill mother. When it came to chores we did it, we went above and beyond with them and taking care of the pets also. I guess It wasn’t in the stars for me to grow up in a loving home, that’s exactly the opposite what they shown on the outside in public.

On a typical day of and before, I get several phone calls asking me if I can come over and pick up milk and a few more odds and ends for me and your Dad. I drive many miles to spend a day with them. I don’t mind the drive it is nice to see the scenery. When I arrive to my destination, at the fruit market I buy the items needed and usually drive to another place if they call before I get to their house. I unload my truck and walk in to find yet another day of nothing cleaned except for the dishes. Every pile of stuff imaginable throughout the house. I walk through the foyer an set items on a messy counter, take off my coat, kiss my Dad on the cheek or forehead, and proceed to sit down. I than hear the horrible sound of the bickering or sometimes the crying at the table or from another room in the house. No more than five minutes after walking in, I am usually trying to unwind from the people in the stores when all of the sudden I am bombarded in the face and lap with two great big German Shepherds. I pet them and stopping in mid petting I go to wipe my face and try not to sneeze from floating dog dander. I look at the carpet an the kitchen floor to find it everywhere.

Okay imagine one eighty year old woman whom had all her major joints replaced and one eighty year old man sitting in a wheelchair with his head down on a table, blind, and hard of hearing so badly that you have to practically yell or scream in order for him to hear you, when he doesn’t hear what you have said he’ll try and make sense of his own jumbled sentence we laugh and I loudly explain that wasn’t it and then again I tell him what it was cause he wanted to know. Ugh!! I’m sad at the condition of the house and my Father whom probably hasn’t had a warm shower in a week cause my mother either is too busy watching TV or complaining how she is continuously bouncing up and down from a recliner for him to be happy for a minute until he asks for something else within seconds.  Mother who is able to clean, wash clothes, help Father up the stairs to the shower, able to drive, manage the bills and the accounts, dress and shower herself, can hear and see refuses to take care of my dad who has did everything he could to make mother happy through the years of mother not working. She’s capable, just full of excuses and lazy. I love them both but when you’re the only child of theirs and mind you they have 5 children all together it gets exhausting really quick. In the meantime, I am juggling my own life with my own family, home, and still finding a job outside of them home with no skills and no degree but a crafty skill of making handmade items to sell. Business it slow in that area. I am still after 5 years crocheting a six foot by six foot blanket in one color (which is boring for me) and still have about 6 more skeins /rolls to go. SIGH!! 

As sitting there hearing the bickering back and forth or the silence from both of them and or the TV blaring from across the room. I am getting frustrated just sitting there. I ask mother: “Let’s tackle these papers, put away these things scattered all over the house.” I wait for an answer and get a rotten look and the answer changed abruptively to a question to father of: “Honey, Would you like me to make you a Sandwich?” . I think to myself, She just totally ignored my statement and moved onto something else. I mean she asked father that same question 3 times and was getting angry, like he was playing a game with her when I thought he didn’t hear her, I asked and that when I immediately seen red smoke come out of his ears, EEK! I exclaimed. “I better shut my mouth before I’m backhanded into the wall, just like when I was a young adult with my daughter in arms telling my oldest sister badly of what I thought of her.” Finally thinking the almighty saved me like many times before my phone rings and low and behold it’s my husband calling, I answer the phone: “Come and pick me up from work, please!” I excitedly put on my coat grab my things and kissed them both while mother expressed: “Why so soon?”, “You didn’t stay long.” I know I said that’s why I like coming on the weekends to see you. I drive to pick husband up and we go get a bite to eat and go home. He asked me about my day and I say: “I need a Vacation.”

stress

Thank you for stopping by, Have a great day!

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