Wow, So Cold!

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I surely should have been a western girl, cause if I said a southern girl it wouldn’t matched my funny personality or my character. Just kidding! I say this because I am having a chilly moment sitting here writing this post in my blog and the cold air swooping up my legs and to my feet. I must have drafty windows, or the warmth from the vents are just as cold. Whatever the case may be, I’M COLD!! Now that I am older I cannot say my skin is thin, Hee, Hee. I am a thick woman. I had a Thyroid Disorder for five years and it was a weird time in my life, here I will explain what I experienced from it. I hope to never experience that again.

Ladies help me here, When some of us women are skinny and our clothes from the store that we pick out fit pretty good, fit comfortably. we than, feel good about ourselves and have confidence that clearly blows the store roof off of that store, and that could be just me, But when I was a really big woman and I don’t mean chunky, I mean 4X clothing and I don’t mean to offend or have offended any man, woman, or child. I can only talk about my experience here. I was 4X and was invited to my neice’s wedding, I was so embarrassed with myself and I’m sure my husband was from just being seen with me. I used to be a skinny lady. I was a size five when I gotten married to my husband and after I had 3 pregnancies two live births and one I couldn’t have but that’s another story. I looked good and had confidence. Clothes fit comfortablely and the clothes are pretty. When I gained uncontrollable weight the clothes at the stores weren’t all that pretty and they made you look like a house, brough my confidence down to depression.

Anyways, Before we went to my neice’s wedding I had to go buy a dress for that event. We went upstairs to Sear’s and I looked around and the dresses I found were really pretty but the ones I liked didn’t have my size. I was bummed, so I went to another rack and it had my size, bought it some accessories to go with it as my husband was frowning from the whole shopping adventure. We went to the wedding and it was gorgeous but also made it feel sad cause I always wanted my children to have fairytale weddings when they too gotten married, and cause I have been unemployed for many years due to my legs hurting, past accidents, my depression I was unable to get a job outside our home. That’s why in 2007 I started my own business up Crocheting blankets, hats and matching scarves to make money from and earn. The wedding was fun and later at the end of the night I felt good enough and my daughters wanted me to get up and dance with them. I don’t know how I gotten sidetracked in talking about being COLD to my neice’s wedding, my depression and opening up my own business, Lol. STRESS!

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Emotionally and Mentally Drained

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I’m not writing this post to complain, to shame anyone. I’m writing this post for people to be aware not only of a mental illness or disorder, but a little bit now of Dementia and I’m NOT an expert by no means. I am emotionally and mentally drained by people period and it has been taking a toll on me and my body phsyically.

It doesn’t matter the day of the week. It doesn’t matter what month it is. I have been a mess, a huge mess. With taking care of my parents every other day when my father was in the rehabilitation center getting stronger in order to go back home, I had to cut that down a lot of seeing them both. They will completely drain a person. I almost felt like I’ve been taking care of children at some point. Both of my parents have Alzheimer’s / Dementia, it is far from being an easy job. They aren’t as bad as some people think. The arguing, the game playing, the unsanitary house, the laziness, the constant excuses of not wanting to do anything, or go anywhere. The way my siblings and I grew up wasn’t the typical household. I am the runt of the litter and I mostly gotten treated the worst when you have a mentally ill mother. When it came to chores we did it, we went above and beyond with them and taking care of the pets also. I guess It wasn’t in the stars for me to grow up in a loving home, that’s exactly the opposite what they shown on the outside in public.

On a typical day of and before, I get several phone calls asking me if I can come over and pick up milk and a few more odds and ends for me and your Dad. I drive many miles to spend a day with them. I don’t mind the drive it is nice to see the scenery. When I arrive to my destination, at the fruit market I buy the items needed and usually drive to another place if they call before I get to their house. I unload my truck and walk in to find yet another day of nothing cleaned except for the dishes. Every pile of stuff imaginable throughout the house. I walk through the foyer an set items on a messy counter, take off my coat, kiss my Dad on the cheek or forehead, and proceed to sit down. I than hear the horrible sound of the bickering or sometimes the crying at the table or from another room in the house. No more than five minutes after walking in, I am usually trying to unwind from the people in the stores when all of the sudden I am bombarded in the face and lap with two great big German Shepherds. I pet them and stopping in mid petting I go to wipe my face and try not to sneeze from floating dog dander. I look at the carpet an the kitchen floor to find it everywhere.

Okay imagine one eighty year old woman whom had all her major joints replaced and one eighty year old man sitting in a wheelchair with his head down on a table, blind, and hard of hearing so badly that you have to practically yell or scream in order for him to hear you, when he doesn’t hear what you have said he’ll try and make sense of his own jumbled sentence we laugh and I loudly explain that wasn’t it and then again I tell him what it was cause he wanted to know. Ugh!! I’m sad at the condition of the house and my Father whom probably hasn’t had a warm shower in a week cause my mother either is too busy watching TV or complaining how she is continuously bouncing up and down from a recliner for him to be happy for a minute until he asks for something else within seconds.  Mother who is able to clean, wash clothes, help Father up the stairs to the shower, able to drive, manage the bills and the accounts, dress and shower herself, can hear and see refuses to take care of my dad who has did everything he could to make mother happy through the years of mother not working. She’s capable, just full of excuses and lazy. I love them both but when you’re the only child of theirs and mind you they have 5 children all together it gets exhausting really quick. In the meantime, I am juggling my own life with my own family, home, and still finding a job outside of them home with no skills and no degree but a crafty skill of making handmade items to sell. Business it slow in that area. I am still after 5 years crocheting a six foot by six foot blanket in one color (which is boring for me) and still have about 6 more skeins /rolls to go. SIGH!! 

As sitting there hearing the bickering back and forth or the silence from both of them and or the TV blaring from across the room. I am getting frustrated just sitting there. I ask mother: “Let’s tackle these papers, put away these things scattered all over the house.” I wait for an answer and get a rotten look and the answer changed abruptively to a question to father of: “Honey, Would you like me to make you a Sandwich?” . I think to myself, She just totally ignored my statement and moved onto something else. I mean she asked father that same question 3 times and was getting angry, like he was playing a game with her when I thought he didn’t hear her, I asked and that when I immediately seen red smoke come out of his ears, EEK! I exclaimed. “I better shut my mouth before I’m backhanded into the wall, just like when I was a young adult with my daughter in arms telling my oldest sister badly of what I thought of her.” Finally thinking the almighty saved me like many times before my phone rings and low and behold it’s my husband calling, I answer the phone: “Come and pick me up from work, please!” I excitedly put on my coat grab my things and kissed them both while mother expressed: “Why so soon?”, “You didn’t stay long.” I know I said that’s why I like coming on the weekends to see you. I drive to pick husband up and we go get a bite to eat and go home. He asked me about my day and I say: “I need a Vacation.”

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Thank you for stopping by, Have a great day!

Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want

Chapter 21 ~ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

In over a dozen years as a stress consultant, one of the most pervasive and destructive mental tendencies I’ve seen is that of focusing on what we want instead of what we have. It doesn’t seem to make any difference how much we have;  we just keep expanding our list of desires, which guarantees we will remain dissatisfied.  The mindset that says “I’ll be happy when this desire is fulfilled”  is the same mindset that will repeat itself once that desire is met. 

A friend of ours closed escrow on his new home on a Sunday. The very next time we saw him he was talking about his next house that was going to be even bigger! He isn’t alone.  Most of us do the very same thing, We want this or that.  If we don’t get what we want we keep thinking about all that we don’t have—and we remain dissatisfied.  If we do get what we want, we simply re-create the same thinking in our new circumstances.  So, despite getting what we want, we still remain unhappy.  Happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for new desires. 

Luckily, there is a way to be happy. It involves changing the emphasis of our thinking from what we want to what we have. Rather than wishing your spouse were different, try thinking about her wonderful qualities.  Instead of complaining about your salary, be grateful that you have a job. Rather than wishing that you could take a vacation to Hawaii, think of how much fun you have had close to home. The list of possibilities is endless! Each time you notice yourself falling into the ” I wish life were different” trap, back off and start over.  Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful for. When you focus on not what you want, but on what you have, you end up getting more of what you want anyway. If you focus on the good qualities, she’ll be more loving. If you are grateful for your job, rather than complaining about it, you’ll do a better job, be more productive, and probably end up getting a raise anyway. If you focus on ways to enjoy yourself around home rather than waiting to enjoy yourself in Hawaii, think of how much fun you have had close to home. The list of possibilites is endless! Each time you notice yourself falling into the “I wish life were different” trap back off and start over.  Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful for. When you focus on not what you want, but on what you have, you end up getting more of what you want  anyway.  If you focus on the good qualities of your spouse, he’ll be more loving. If you are grateful for your job rather than complaining about it, you’ll do a better job, be more productive, and probably end up getting a raise anyway. 

Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. If you do, your life will start appearing much better than before. For perhaps the first time in your life, you’ll know what it means to be satisfied.

 

 

Two Days

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HERE’S MY EXAMPLE OF THE SWIFFER SWEEPER COVER THAT I MADE IN TWO DAYS.

Hello All, I am quite busy since the holidays have passed, Birthday’s came and went. Then I’ve been crocheting small things while having the HUGE 6 foot blanket in between the little well needed things I’ve been making. I found a pattern for the swiffer mop. Yes the company makes these swiffer pads that you use once and throw away, depending on the size of container you buy. 8 count pads, 12 count pads or 36 count pads.  One day I ran out of the pads I had the 36 count ones. I bought the non-brand kind thought it was a great value and used 2 or 3 of them and was disappointed. Well as I was searching for a certain baby blanket pattern, I came across this pattern for a swiffer mop cover. I was ever so excited!! I just bought a couple months ago cotton yarn and was going to make cotton washcloths, towels, soap bar saver’s, scrubbies for dishes, and other cutsie things for my girls all handmade goodies placed in a light wicker basket all dressed up in pretty tissue paper with a pretty bow at the top handle for them.

Here’s the puicture that tickled me pink ~ 

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I made one. Told my oldest daughter about it and she wants one too. Before too long I’ll be making a bunch of them to sell. Maybe some for my sister’s for xmas next year. It took me two days to make and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. It actually works better than the swiffer wipes.  Not a bad Monday at all….

Luke Combs – Must’ve Never Met You

This can mean for a guy too!!

Luke Combs – Beautiful Crazy