Stop Blaming Others

Chapter 22 ~ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

When something doesn’t meet our expectations, many of us operate with assumption, “When in doubt, it must be someone else’s fault.” You can see this assuption in action almost everywhere you look—something is missing, so someone else must have moved it; the car isn’t working right, your expences exceed your income, so your spouse must be spending too much money; the house is a mess, so you must be the only person doing your part; a project is late, so your colleagues at work must have not done their share—and on and on it goes. 

This type of blaming thinking has become extremely common in our culture. On a personal level, it has let us to believe that we are never completely reasponsible for our own actions, problems, or happiness. On a societal level, it has led to frivolous lawsuits, and ridiculous excuses that get criminals off the hook. When we are in the habit of blaming others,  we will blame others for our anger, frustrations, depession, stress, and unhappiness. 

In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others,  Surely there are times when other people and / or circumstances contribute to our problems, but it is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own happiness. Circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal him or her.

As an experiment, notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life.  This doesn’t mean you don’t hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you. When the house is a mess, rather than assuming you’re the only person doing your part, clean it up! When you’re over budget, figure out where you can spend less money. Most important, when you’re unhappy, remind yourself that only you can make yourself happy. 

Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It’s a “drag-me-down” mindset that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is contingent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can’t control. When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker.  You will know that when you are upset,  you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is a great deal more fun and much easier to manage when you stop blaming others.  Give it a try and see what happens.

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DIY crochet dark sole slippers, 2 yrs to adult XXL

 

 

If you ever see or hear this terminology WIP it means work in progress. What project your working on? or many time the person says What project do you have on your Hook? I have been watching this video for 2 days straight. This Lady who owns the video I will be following her on YouTube channel. Her instructions are easy to follow and simple, and I love simple.  When I was a little about ten years old my Mother taught us children how to Crochet and when I was that young I just wanted to be a kid. At ten I was also taught many other things cook, laundry, clean, taking care of our pets, and always pick the fruit off the tree’s when it’s ripe, giggles. Life back then was really good. I don’t want to get sidetracked in talking cause for me I would usually go into another topic, giggles.  This is what I have on my hook one slipper using J / 6.00 mm also using the Red Heart With Love color Merlot with two strands of yarn together, Pretty easy to work with.

Enjoy the Video, She is Amazing!   and of course and as always,

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Manly Man’s sweater Crochet Tutorial

 

I haven’t tried to make any sweaters yet! I think I will try this one for my boys and my husband maybe add a couple of colors at the top. I watched the video looks interesting.

 

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Basic Mitten Cuff Tutorial

Trying to adjust the color of my lettering to burgundy and not remembering how makes this monday manic, frustration sets in for the awaken moodiness, and it’s tiring not only from that but the weather isn’t the greatest outside it’s cloudy, and rainy. the air is crisp and the temperature is an enjoyable 51 degree’s for winter this is outstanding.

Anyways, annoyed as I was when it was colder outside and not having a yard for my dog to run in is harder for anybody. To step out in the chilly air without any gloves or mittens was beyond reasonable. Upon returning inside the house trying to warm up my hands went to place my hands under warm water only to find it absolutely freezing, more freezing than the cold water. What on Earth? I ran the hot water for twenty minutes still cold. I thought: Who can I call to see if maybe my hot water tank flame blew out? Hmm, I wondered the neighbor was working, the man of the house was running errands, and I couldn’t get the wall off to see if the flame was out. Well I waited till 7 pm the man of the house came home and took down the wall and lit the flame and we had hot water. Woot-Woot 

Besides all of that my hands were still freezing, the temperature that day was minus 18 degree’s. I didn’t have any gloves or mittens. So I found this really neat video on how to make mittens, this is how to make the cuff first before the actual mitten itself.  I’m sure after this video is the second video on how to make the mitten. Pretty color and easy to make if you know how to crochet.

 

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Wow, So Cold!

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I surely should have been a western girl, cause if I said a southern girl it wouldn’t matched my funny personality or my character. Just kidding! I say this because I am having a chilly moment sitting here writing this post in my blog and the cold air swooping up my legs and to my feet. I must have drafty windows, or the warmth from the vents are just as cold. Whatever the case may be, I’M COLD!! Now that I am older I cannot say my skin is thin, Hee, Hee. I am a thick woman. I had a Thyroid Disorder for five years and it was a weird time in my life, here I will explain what I experienced from it. I hope to never experience that again.

Ladies help me here, When some of us women are skinny and our clothes from the store that we pick out fit pretty good, fit comfortably. we than, feel good about ourselves and have confidence that clearly blows the store roof off of that store, and that could be just me, But when I was a really big woman and I don’t mean chunky, I mean 4X clothing and I don’t mean to offend or have offended any man, woman, or child. I can only talk about my experience here. I was 4X and was invited to my neice’s wedding, I was so embarrassed with myself and I’m sure my husband was from just being seen with me. I used to be a skinny lady. I was a size five when I gotten married to my husband and after I had 3 pregnancies two live births and one I couldn’t have but that’s another story. I looked good and had confidence. Clothes fit comfortablely and the clothes are pretty. When I gained uncontrollable weight the clothes at the stores weren’t all that pretty and they made you look like a house, brough my confidence down to depression.

Anyways, Before we went to my neice’s wedding I had to go buy a dress for that event. We went upstairs to Sear’s and I looked around and the dresses I found were really pretty but the ones I liked didn’t have my size. I was bummed, so I went to another rack and it had my size, bought it some accessories to go with it as my husband was frowning from the whole shopping adventure. We went to the wedding and it was gorgeous but also made it feel sad cause I always wanted my children to have fairytale weddings when they too gotten married, and cause I have been unemployed for many years due to my legs hurting, past accidents, my depression I was unable to get a job outside our home. That’s why in 2007 I started my own business up Crocheting blankets, hats and matching scarves to make money from and earn. The wedding was fun and later at the end of the night I felt good enough and my daughters wanted me to get up and dance with them. I don’t know how I gotten sidetracked in talking about being COLD to my neice’s wedding, my depression and opening up my own business, Lol. STRESS!

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Emotionally and Mentally Drained

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I’m not writing this post to complain, to shame anyone. I’m writing this post for people to be aware not only of a mental illness or disorder, but a little bit now of Dementia and I’m NOT an expert by no means. I am emotionally and mentally drained by people period and it has been taking a toll on me and my body phsyically.

It doesn’t matter the day of the week. It doesn’t matter what month it is. I have been a mess, a huge mess. With taking care of my parents every other day when my father was in the rehabilitation center getting stronger in order to go back home, I had to cut that down a lot of seeing them both. They will completely drain a person. I almost felt like I’ve been taking care of children at some point. Both of my parents have Alzheimer’s / Dementia, it is far from being an easy job. They aren’t as bad as some people think. The arguing, the game playing, the unsanitary house, the laziness, the constant excuses of not wanting to do anything, or go anywhere. The way my siblings and I grew up wasn’t the typical household. I am the runt of the litter and I mostly gotten treated the worst when you have a mentally ill mother. When it came to chores we did it, we went above and beyond with them and taking care of the pets also. I guess It wasn’t in the stars for me to grow up in a loving home, that’s exactly the opposite what they shown on the outside in public.

On a typical day of and before, I get several phone calls asking me if I can come over and pick up milk and a few more odds and ends for me and your Dad. I drive many miles to spend a day with them. I don’t mind the drive it is nice to see the scenery. When I arrive to my destination, at the fruit market I buy the items needed and usually drive to another place if they call before I get to their house. I unload my truck and walk in to find yet another day of nothing cleaned except for the dishes. Every pile of stuff imaginable throughout the house. I walk through the foyer an set items on a messy counter, take off my coat, kiss my Dad on the cheek or forehead, and proceed to sit down. I than hear the horrible sound of the bickering or sometimes the crying at the table or from another room in the house. No more than five minutes after walking in, I am usually trying to unwind from the people in the stores when all of the sudden I am bombarded in the face and lap with two great big German Shepherds. I pet them and stopping in mid petting I go to wipe my face and try not to sneeze from floating dog dander. I look at the carpet an the kitchen floor to find it everywhere.

Okay imagine one eighty year old woman whom had all her major joints replaced and one eighty year old man sitting in a wheelchair with his head down on a table, blind, and hard of hearing so badly that you have to practically yell or scream in order for him to hear you, when he doesn’t hear what you have said he’ll try and make sense of his own jumbled sentence we laugh and I loudly explain that wasn’t it and then again I tell him what it was cause he wanted to know. Ugh!! I’m sad at the condition of the house and my Father whom probably hasn’t had a warm shower in a week cause my mother either is too busy watching TV or complaining how she is continuously bouncing up and down from a recliner for him to be happy for a minute until he asks for something else within seconds.  Mother who is able to clean, wash clothes, help Father up the stairs to the shower, able to drive, manage the bills and the accounts, dress and shower herself, can hear and see refuses to take care of my dad who has did everything he could to make mother happy through the years of mother not working. She’s capable, just full of excuses and lazy. I love them both but when you’re the only child of theirs and mind you they have 5 children all together it gets exhausting really quick. In the meantime, I am juggling my own life with my own family, home, and still finding a job outside of them home with no skills and no degree but a crafty skill of making handmade items to sell. Business it slow in that area. I am still after 5 years crocheting a six foot by six foot blanket in one color (which is boring for me) and still have about 6 more skeins /rolls to go. SIGH!! 

As sitting there hearing the bickering back and forth or the silence from both of them and or the TV blaring from across the room. I am getting frustrated just sitting there. I ask mother: “Let’s tackle these papers, put away these things scattered all over the house.” I wait for an answer and get a rotten look and the answer changed abruptively to a question to father of: “Honey, Would you like me to make you a Sandwich?” . I think to myself, She just totally ignored my statement and moved onto something else. I mean she asked father that same question 3 times and was getting angry, like he was playing a game with her when I thought he didn’t hear her, I asked and that when I immediately seen red smoke come out of his ears, EEK! I exclaimed. “I better shut my mouth before I’m backhanded into the wall, just like when I was a young adult with my daughter in arms telling my oldest sister badly of what I thought of her.” Finally thinking the almighty saved me like many times before my phone rings and low and behold it’s my husband calling, I answer the phone: “Come and pick me up from work, please!” I excitedly put on my coat grab my things and kissed them both while mother expressed: “Why so soon?”, “You didn’t stay long.” I know I said that’s why I like coming on the weekends to see you. I drive to pick husband up and we go get a bite to eat and go home. He asked me about my day and I say: “I need a Vacation.”

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Thank you for stopping by, Have a great day!

Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want

Chapter 21 ~ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

In over a dozen years as a stress consultant, one of the most pervasive and destructive mental tendencies I’ve seen is that of focusing on what we want instead of what we have. It doesn’t seem to make any difference how much we have;  we just keep expanding our list of desires, which guarantees we will remain dissatisfied.  The mindset that says “I’ll be happy when this desire is fulfilled”  is the same mindset that will repeat itself once that desire is met. 

A friend of ours closed escrow on his new home on a Sunday. The very next time we saw him he was talking about his next house that was going to be even bigger! He isn’t alone.  Most of us do the very same thing, We want this or that.  If we don’t get what we want we keep thinking about all that we don’t have—and we remain dissatisfied.  If we do get what we want, we simply re-create the same thinking in our new circumstances.  So, despite getting what we want, we still remain unhappy.  Happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for new desires. 

Luckily, there is a way to be happy. It involves changing the emphasis of our thinking from what we want to what we have. Rather than wishing your spouse were different, try thinking about her wonderful qualities.  Instead of complaining about your salary, be grateful that you have a job. Rather than wishing that you could take a vacation to Hawaii, think of how much fun you have had close to home. The list of possibilities is endless! Each time you notice yourself falling into the ” I wish life were different” trap, back off and start over.  Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful for. When you focus on not what you want, but on what you have, you end up getting more of what you want anyway. If you focus on the good qualities, she’ll be more loving. If you are grateful for your job, rather than complaining about it, you’ll do a better job, be more productive, and probably end up getting a raise anyway. If you focus on ways to enjoy yourself around home rather than waiting to enjoy yourself in Hawaii, think of how much fun you have had close to home. The list of possibilites is endless! Each time you notice yourself falling into the “I wish life were different” trap back off and start over.  Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful for. When you focus on not what you want, but on what you have, you end up getting more of what you want  anyway.  If you focus on the good qualities of your spouse, he’ll be more loving. If you are grateful for your job rather than complaining about it, you’ll do a better job, be more productive, and probably end up getting a raise anyway. 

Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. If you do, your life will start appearing much better than before. For perhaps the first time in your life, you’ll know what it means to be satisfied.